Moving to NYC: Harder Than I Thought

The value of doing hard things.

The small coffee shop erupts with laughter.

Jeremy just made a good joke.

Classic Jeremy (I met him an hour ago).

It’s 11 AM on a Saturday and I’ve just wrapped up my first run with NBR (North Brooklyn Runners).

Yeah, that’s right I joined a running group - what can I say, I’m desperate for friends.

And today’s run felt more like a swim. It was poooouuuurrring rain.

Despite the rain, we plowed our way 3.5 miles across the Williamsburg Bridge and back.

We hit an 8:10 pace and ended up at an awesome coffee shop in Williamsburg.

As we wrap up our post-run coffee session, I check my phone for my route home.

We’re in a part of Brooklyn I’m not too familiar with.

*Opens Google Maps*

G train isn’t running.

Perfect.

That’s the only train that goes near my place.

I check other options.

Option 1) Wait for a bus that comes in 40 minutes. Too long.

Option 2) Uber. Lame and too expensive.

Option 3) Walk. About 30 minutes - sounds pretty horrible as I am wearing super thin and soaking-wet running clothes.

I can feel my softness bubbling to the surface.

It’s funny how quickly my mind jumps to excuses.

“It never rains in San Diego. Remember when we lived there?”

“I used to have a car, why did I get rid of that thing?”

I try to reframe.

“This is why we moved to NYC, remember?”

“You wanted to grow, right?”

I see a Citi Bike station across the street.

I decide that’s my best option.

A 15-minute ride in the pouring rain could be an adventure.

I suck it up and realize that people face much harder things than this every day.

I dodge my way through the oncoming traffic as the merciless NYC taxis honk their horns at me.

Nobody can stop me from getting home.

As the Rocky theme plays in my soaked AirPods, I pull up to my apartment.

Mission complete.

My first NYC month

This story is the perfect representation of my first month in the city.

A mixture of new people, trials, tribulations, and excitement.

There’s a lot of pressure to tell people that everything has been amazing when they call and ask for an update.

And I get that. Everyone wants me to be happy, which I appreciate.

But if everything is not great but I tell everyone it is, I feel like that’ll eventually start to make me miserable.

With that said, I wanted to share a non-sugar-coated version of my first month living in NYC.

The Good

Let’s start with the good, as there’s been a lot of it.

It’s been really cool to see how much I’ve been able to push myself in different areas of life since I moved here.

1. The gym. I do deadlifts now! Never would have thought I’d be a beefcake deadlifter but here we are (still low-weight though). I’ve also been wildly consistent in the gym. Like I’ve only missed maybe 1 or 2 days out of 30. I think this is because I don’t have many friends yet, so there’s no real reason for me to skip lol.

2. Dating. Only been on 1 date thus far & had one girl bail on me twice (the classic double-bail), but I can tell that I’m a lot more willing to throw myself out there which is something I’ve been trying to work on.

3. Socially. Full Social Butterfly mode again! Feels like when I first moved to San Diego. I’ve met more new people in the last month than I have in the last 2 years in San Diego. I’ve realized how much I enjoy people. I love exchanging ideas and hearing about their life experiences.

4. Self-Confidence. I’ve found that I actually feel pretty comfortable with who I am in most aspects of my life. I don’t necessarily feel like I have to act any certain way when I meet people, which has been cool to see. For instance, I’ve barely been drinking - mostly going out sober, and just kind of owning it which feels nice.

5. Being on the East Coast. I was able to visit family in North Carolina. That usually would have been an insanely long trip, but now it’s only an hour and a half, which is great.

6. Being in the same city as my sister. My sister and I haven’t lived in the same city for 9 years, but now we are back, baby. It’s been super fun getting to hang with her.

7. Ease of meeting people. It’s been unexpectedly easy to meet new people as everyone is always out and about and there’s always stuff going on. I’ve also noticed that there aren’t a lot of super deep, clicky friend groups here. Most of the people I meet are mid-20s transplants who moved to the city less than 3 years ago so they are also new(ish).

8. The weather (some days). There have been some really beautiful days so far and generally speaking, the weather has been pretty good. There have been a handful of nasty days though that have got me pumped for winter!

9. The location of my apartment. I’m loving living in Greenpoint (Brooklyn). I run along the waterfront that overlooks the Manhattan skyline at sunset a lot (see photo dump). It’s like running in a dream. So cool.

The Bad

And here are the things that have been challenging:

1. No core friend group out here. Leaving a strong friend group for a nonexistent one is a big change and has left me really missing those deep connections & conversations. It’s really made me realize how blessed I am to have deep relationships in my life, and has me fired up to create some deeper relationships out here.

2. Shallow encounters. While it is incredibly easy to meet new people here, you often don’t ever see those same people again. So you never really get past the surface-level conversations which can become exhausting.

3. Feeling a bit lonely. I forgot what it felt like to feel truly lonely, and now I remember that it’s not particularly fun. This makes me grateful for the deep friendships I do have and gives me extra incentive to go out and meet new people.

4. Lack of direction & stability (career-wise). This is probably my biggest source of stress currently. I’ve been doing a lot of outreach since arriving here for photo/video work and things are starting to trickle in but it’s definitely a grind to rebuild a network.

5. Expensive. They weren’t kidding about the prices.

6. Only 1 subway line near me. Not a huge deal, but the G train that goes by my apartment only comes every 15 minutes or so, which can make any commute decently long if you mis-time it.

The Fugly

Nothing fugly about this place. I just wanted to say the word “fugly.”

Wrap Up

With all this said, I have never been more hopeful for my future here.

I think part of the experience of moving to NYC is the struggle of getting your feet underneath you.

Like anything in life, the more you have to work for it, the more you will value it.

NYC forces you to earn everything. There are no gimmes.

Up to this point, I’ve had a pretty sweet life, some of which I earned, but a lot of which was given to me. So I’m looking forward to earning my keep here.

Pushing myself outside of my comfort zone has never failed me in the past, and I expect this to be no different.

Getting Uncomfortable

Comfort is a sneaky killer.

You build yourself a comfy life by taking all the hardship out of it.

And guess what that means?

It means you don’t have to struggle for much.

And because you don’t have to struggle, you don’t have to grow.

And without growth, things get weird.

When surrounded by comfort it’s easy to lose sight of what makes you, you.

But when you come face to face with difficulties, you are forced to stand in the mirror with sober eyes.

And I’m not going to lie, some days here have really kicked my ass. I’ve felt super alone and questioned if I made the right choice moving here.

But these same feelings are what’s forcing me to change and confront my problems.

Because all these problems are figure-outable.

I just need to get off my butt and figure them out.

Thanks for reading my NYC rant lol.

Until next time,

Flickman

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - If you have any urge to respond, please do. Even if I don’t know you. Could be with questions, insights, thoughts, etc. Would love to hear from ya.

Photo Dump

NYC Dump

P.S. My hope in sharing my experience is not to throw myself an epic pity party but rather to show that it’s okay to be honest with where you are at. Don’t feel like you need to pretend everything is perfect. Perfect lives are boring. The struggle is where the growth is.

P.P.S. I’m starting a Rat Counter to give people a sense of how many rats you really encounter living in NYC.

RAT COUNTER: 24