10 Ways to Unf*ck Your Life in Your 20s

Pardon my French...

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All of our lives are f*cked in some capacity (pardon my French).

Maybe it’s your health.

Your finances.

Your relationships.

Your fitness.

So many different ways to mess your life up, how exciting!

But don’t worry, it’s natural — it’s just the consequence of being on this little rock for a while.

But why do we continue to mess up our lives?

On paper, nobody would agree that they want to f*ck their lives up.

And yet we still do. How interesting!

My best guess as to why we do this is because we either:

1. Don’t have the proper information or philosophies to choose behaviors that’ll get us where we want to go

   OR

2. We do have the proper information but lack the discipline or ability to sacrifice short-term pleasures to get to where we want to go

This essay will address #1.

It’ll provide some information and philosophies to help you get more out of life.

Start Here

There’s this old saying that goes “You don’t get the life you want, you get the life you deserve.”

So as a starting point, we must accept that we have exactly the life we deserve.

This can be a hard thing to accept because naturally we want to

• blame the world

• say that we deserve more than we have

• talk about how life’s not fair

Sure, this is true. Life isn’t always fair. There are cases where people have lives that they don’t “deserve”:

• Trust fund babies running around Mykonos spending money they didn’t earn

• Scammers making millions taking advantage of people

Similarly there are good people who live in horrible conditions:

• People who give so much and get pennies in return

• Amazing teachers who make no money

Don’t they “deserve” more?

These are fair questions and counter points to the philosophy that “you get what you deserve,” however clinging on to these instances does nothing to help you take control of your own life.

Believing that life is unfair does not help you. In fact, it traps you. It’s a quicksand philosophy that’ll keep you right where you are.

Because why would you make an effort in life if you fundamentally believe that the game is rigged? You won’t! There’s no point to trying. So you will stay right where you are.

So the first thing is that you need to do is accept that you’ve got exactly the life you deserve — this puts the power is back in your hands.

Because now there’s something you can do about it.

So if you want a better life, you need to become somebody who deserves a better life.

But how the hell do you do that?

From my reading and personal experiences I’ve compiled a list.

A list of ways to unf*ck your life and get more out of it.

Some of these I’ve done in the past, some I’m currently doing, and some have become lifelong practices.

These aren’t just for people who are at rock bottom but for anyone who’s trying to make progress in their life.

So without further ado, here’s my super awesome, magical list:

10 Ways to Unf*ck Your Life

1. Take an honest look in the mirror. All change starts with an honest look in the mirror. Figure out what you are lying to yourself about. Come to terms with your reality and be honest with your starting point. You can only take a step towards growth if you are stepping off a stone set in the ground, not a stone hovering in the clouds.

2. Shrink your blame list to 1. The sooner you take responsibility for where you are in life, the sooner you can work to change it. If it’s the governments fault, the economies fault, your friends fault, or your wife’s fault, then you are excused from doing anything to change the situation. Because it’s not even your fault! Blame yourself instead of the world. Not because you are always to blame, but because you want the power to change the situation back. Exchange the word blame with “give power to.” Instead of blaming giving power to others, blame give power to yourself.

3. Seek out information. If you’ve got problems, there’s people out there who’ve had the same ones, and then solved them. And they wrote down the answers. Isn’t that awesome! Information is one of the first steps to transformation. It can show you a new vision for your life. It can give you practical steps to solve your problems. All the answers are out there in the form of books, podcasts, courses, mentors, friends, etc. The wisdom of the world at our fingertips you just need the desire and determination to find the information you need.

4. Information needs to be applied for it to really make a difference in your life. One of my favorite analogies is this: when you learn new information, it’s as if you are bringing new materials and tools to a construction site where you intend to build a house. However, it’s not until you start putting those tools and materials to work that you begin building the house. If you just keep learning new things, you are continuing to bring new materials and tools to a site, without starting to build. One day you’ll look over at the lot next to you (that was empty when you first started bringing materials to your lot) and see a beautiful house has been built, then you’ll look at your lot and see a bunch of materials and tools scattered about, but no house. This is an amazing visual reminder to put your knowledge to work. Transform information into equity through labor.

5. Create a vision to work towards. Our monkey minds work best when we are in pursuit of a goal. Otherwise, we are like a sailboat without a destination, drifting through the ocean, going wherever the wind blows us. I’ve found that when I can’t decide on a bigger goal (like my life’s work) then I should choose smaller goals (get in better shape) in the meantime that will help me develop until I choose some bigger goals. Get familiar with the process of chasing after a goal and realize how good it feels. Hit that goal and set another one.

6. Subtract before add. It can be overwhelming to figure out what to add to your life to progress further. Something wayyy easier than adding is choosing things to subtract. These things are usually way more obvious. Cut out the bad stuff. You know the usual culprits: drinking, social media, junk food. It’s not rocket science, which makes it a great place to start. Once you start cutting things out, you’ll have more time and energy to invest in adding new things.

7. Stop looking for shortcuts. This is something I did for a long time. My perspective was all backwards. I thought by spending all my time looking for shortcuts I was “working smarter, not harder” but now I’ve realized that you actually don’t want to dodge the working hard part. Working hard is where you build all the character traits and self-respect that you will need moving forward. I thought that I just wanted the end result but if you had given me the end result having to do the work, I would have quickly lost the rewards or would not have valued them.

8. Consistency. Again, not rocket science, and you’ve heard it a million times. I’ve found that the only things I’ve made progress in in life are things that I’ve committed to doing consistently. Full stop. I can’t find any examples of stuff I did once or twice that ended up producing any meaningful results.

9. Turn “pro.” If you are doing something, do it to the best of your abilities. Do it the way that a professional would do it. Prepare, think it through, make it as good as you can. Doing this builds self-esteem. If you half-ass it, your subconscious will notice, even if you don’t realize it on the surface. You are taking a ball out of your Self-Confidence Jar.

10. Master yourself. Look inward. Learn what makes you tick, what makes you you, and then leverage that. To keep track of my self-reflections I have a Note in my phone (see screenshot below) called “Who Am I?” Anytime I find out something new about myself I add it to this document. This allows me further understand myself, what I’m good at, what I’m not good at, what I want, and what my true nature is. The point in keeping track of all this is to use this info to make my decision making in the future better. Remember, information without application leads to a construction site with materials and tools but no house.

The note in my phone where I keep notes on myself

So who cares about all this?

Why not just be happy with where you currently are? Why not just settle into your current reality and stop fighting so hard to change it.

Fair question.

But I think about it a little differently — personal development isn’t about being unhappy with your current reality but rather about falling in love with and finding excitement in the process of striving to be a better version of yourself.

The fulfillment comes from the striving, not from the results.

It’s the best feeling in the world — one you’ve felt before.

It’s the same feeling you get:

• after a hard workout

• after going above and beyond on a task

• from being rewarded for something you put your heart and soul into

• after saving money for something meaningful and finally hitting your savings goal

It’s all the same vibe.

You came face to face with your limits and kept pushing, and unlocked a new version of yourself. What an experience!

You realize that there is something magical about being proud of the person you see in the mirror.

Proud of the work you did to get there.

And that is the game.

That’s the reward.

The external stuff comes and goes, but you get to keep that pride in your pocket.

Wrap Up

Okay enough ramblings for today.

If you’ve read this far, I need to know:

Is personal development something you are interested in? Why or why not?

Please reply to this email and tell me about it. I had several new folks reply to last weeks piece and we had some great conversations. Shoot me an email and we can chat about it.

Until next time,

Flickman

*Thumbnail Source: https://waitbutwhy.com/